what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
