video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
