i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
