I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
