he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
