I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
