she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
