help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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