...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
