She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
