I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
