Can Purell be used as lube?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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