Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
