I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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