He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
