So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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