like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
