I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
