I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm too high and old for this...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
