Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
