whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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