How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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