even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
