Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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