So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
