You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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