I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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