There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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