this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
