dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
