So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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