Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
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I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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