You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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