Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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