I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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