just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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