Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
