How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
