if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize