Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
