i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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