Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
