a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
