Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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