There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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