I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
