Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
