i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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