the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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