The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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