did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
