so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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