dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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