Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
