From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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