You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
