New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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