You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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