I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
