I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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