um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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