I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
