i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
