There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You may now shotgun with the bride
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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