so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
